Claudia and HG Wells' body swap
by vestwearer
Summary: A light and humorous piece about an artifact accident.


Setting: Helena is back. No season 5.

/

Helena wakes to a hesitant knocking on her B&B bedroom door.

_Myka?_ she wonders as she opens her eyes. She yawns and stretches her arms above her head before rising to check who is knocking. As she walks to her door she takes in her surroundings. _Hm. This is not my room,_ her not quite awake brain provides. _I am in Claudia's room. How uncanny_.

She opens the door to find… herself.

"H.G.?" she says. No, not her. The knocking version of her.

"Uh?"

Helena shakes her head. _Is this a dream?_

Then she remembers that she is in fact a warehouse agent – and stranger things than meeting a copy of oneself has indeed happened. "Please come in," she says in a foreign voice and motions at _herself_.

"Oh great, invited into my own room, thanks!" the other her says.

_Maybe not a copy then_. "Claudia?" she asks and the other her nods.

"You haven't yet looked in the mirror today, have you?"

/

A minute later finds them in front of the full body mirror in Claudia's room.

"Sooo…" Claudia says in a decidedly British manner. Previously preoccupied by everything else she hasn't noticed the accent, but now it's obvious it came with the body. "Bloody hell. Sodding, blimey, shagging, knickers, bollocks," she continues. "Wow, I really do sound British."

"Are curse words the only British words you know?" an amused Helena asks, to her utter chagrin in Claudia's American accent.

"Yes?" Claudia says and wiggles Helena's eyebrows. "Hah, no they're not. It's a TV show reference… you haven't seen Buffy? _Bloody hell_, we need to see to your 21st century cultural education!"

Helena looks at her face which is doing expressions that don't seem to belong and reaches out her hands (no, Claudia's hands, she corrects herself) to touch it.

A moment later, when they realize the ridiculousness in standing and touching their own faces with the other persons hands, they both pull back.

"Weird," Claudia mutters.

"Agreed. So. Have you been in contact with any special object lately?"

"Umm… not that I know of. You?"

"No."

"There was an artifact that did this to Myka and Pete a while ago… but I'm pretty sure it's been neutralized."

"Oh? What happened?"

"Myka hasn't told you? Ooooh it was great, well, before it derailed… Pete ended up getting kissed by Myka's high school crush, this bulky dude, I have no idea what Myka saw in him… Anyway that is what Pete's referring to whenever he reminds Steve he has actually kissed a guy. And uuuum, that won't happen to us, right? You're not planning on getting kissed by someone or – oh my God you can't kiss anyone while in my body, OK?"

"No offense but I do not think Myka is going to want to kiss you…"

"WHAT? That is really a thing? You and Myka?"

"I… maybe? We had a talk."

_Yes, getting attack hugged by yourself is definitely odd_, Helena muses.

"So, are we going to tell the others about the swap thingy?" Claudia asks as she lets go.

"I suppose we should."

"It might be fun not to… and see if they figure it out."

Helena makes Claudia's face smirk. It almost works. "Have I ever told you how much I like you?" she says, before she reluctantly adds, "we should definitely investigate though, there might be side-effects… and I do want my own body back eventually."

"Yeah. I'm not living as you for the rest of my life." Claudia looks down at her body. Or, well, at H.G.'s. "Umm… would you mind if I… I mean… I kind of want to… shower before we get to work."

"Oh." Helena looks mildly uncomfortable.

"And… I don't really want _me_ to show up at the warehouse all smelly either so…"

"Right. Yes, I suppose that will be fine." Helena says after a while.

"Cool. And um… pick whatever you like from my closet," Claudia adds before leaving.

/

Helena is not looking forward to showering. Claudia did tell her to do it, but she still feels unsettled about the whole thing. She is going to have to touch Claudia's body and it feels… like an intrusion of sorts. _I don't really mind her showering my body though,_ she thinks. _Maybe it really is fine_. She sheds her (well, Claudia's) night clothes quickly and steps into the shower, willing this to be over soon.

Claudia on the other hand, _is_ looking forward to showering. She is going to get to see H.G. naked. Without her being there for any awkward moments. She strips in front of the bathroom mirror, and can only think 'wow', because damn H.G. is hot. Not that she would want to do anything, she is totally straight. But _damn_, hot. And surprisingly human. _Of course she is human, Claudia, _she tells herself. _Just because she is an amazingly cool time traveler doesn't mean she is an alien or anything._

/

When Claudia emerges from the bathroom, she goes straight for H.G.'s closet, pulls out the underwear drawer and starts rummaging through it.

She flings away the thought to try _everything_ on, and just grabs something. Okay, she might have chosen the most elegant things she could find. It's not like anything she'd ever put on her own body and well; she wants to try it out. Claudia is an adult now. Yes she is. So she does the only reasonable thing there is to do. She starts dancing in front of the mirror, alternating between different styles and laughing at the hilariousness that is H.G. Wells doing disco dance moves in her underwear. This might be her new favorite thing to do.

On the other side of the hallway, Helena is going through Claudia's wardrobe. She chooses an outfit she has seen Claudia wear more than once, figuring it's something she likes. She puts everything on and in these clothes, she almost feels like she _is_ Claudia. She has dreamed about this; to get the chance to be someone else. That is why, before she leaves the room, she decides to put some make-up on. She cannot find a single reason not to indulge in dressing up. Costumes have always fascinated her, and she is certainly in costume now. _Might as well go all out._

/

They meet again before going downstairs to have breakfast. When Claudia sees her face she immediately starts laughing. "O. M. G. what have you done?" she splutters.

"I…" Helena has the decency to look sheepish. "I found your make-up."

"Yeah I figured."

Helena is wearing a lot of black eyeliner combined with purple and orange eye shadow, and Claudia has to agree it looks… good. But not exactly like her.

"If you want to pass as me, and you know, not a fancy fifteen year old me, you should probably tone that down a notch…"

"Oh. I forgot about passing... but in that case, you're not one to talk. That shirt isn't even mine! It's Myka's."

"Then why was it in your closet?"

"I… borrowed it a while back. And I might not have told her about that so could you maybe…?"

"Oh wow. Okay – changing now."

Claudia leaves with H.G.'s usual hair flip. It goes rather well, if she's allowed to say so herself (by the way, she is _nailing_ the British inner monologue-thing) and by the look on Helena's face, she seems to agree about the hair. Helena goes into Claudia's room to take off some of her make-up.

As soon as Claudia has pulled off her shirt and started looking for another one, someone is knocking on Helena's door. Assuming it's H.G., Claudia throws the door open. On the other side is Myka, and Myka is gaping. _Oh_, Claudia thinks, _Myka is seeing Helena._ Even worse, Claudia promptly realizes, Myka is seeing Helena without a shirt and with drops of water falling from her newly showered hair.

_No. No no no no no. I can_not_ handle Myka looking at me like this. Oh God this is not happening._

Myka shakes her head and blurts "YES. What we talked about yesterday, I agree." And then she does the thing she is _so_ not supposed to do right now. She moves in for a kiss.

Claudia yells "holy frakking shit!" and jumps back.

To say that Myka looks confused is to put it mildly. Why would Helena jump? Helena is not a jumping kind of person – in any situation. And, those words… that is not the way Helena curses.

Then 'Claudia' is slamming her door open and taking Myka in her arms.

"Claudia what are you doing?!" Myka yells at Helena.

"Myka! Yes! You said yes!"

"Umm, that's H.G." Claudia in Helena's body interjects, "body swap."

/

They all rush downstairs.

Well. They all _try_ to rush downstairs, but running with a gait different to one's own turns out to be a challenge. Both Helena and Claudia stumble a bit, though thankfully neither one of them falls. They do however look amusing.

Downstairs, Pete, Steve and Artie are gathered around the breakfast table – and as if the situation wasn't weird enough before, Helena asks _Artie_ for help. She almost screams "Artie! Help! Quickly!"

Claudia concurs with "Agreeeeed. Myka tried to kiss me!"

"Hold up! Myka was finally going to kiss you and you stopped her!?" Pete asks.

"I AM CLAUDIA! And obviously Myka thought I was H.G. and that makes me sort of exited but… H.G. I want my body back!"

Meanwhile, Helena (in Claudia's body) is standing beside Myka, watching her.

"Helena," Myka says. "Will you please stop looking at me? I mean I usually really _really_ like the way you do that but I'm seeing Claudia and I do not want her to watch me like she wants to… err. Just stop it please?"

"Sorry darling."

There is a brief pause where everyone moves a bit uncomfortably. Then Pete starts sniffing. "I smell fudge," he says.

Everyone sniffs then, and yes, there is definitely fudge in the air. Artie has (at long last) caught up with the situation, and grumbles, "Body swap… Must be that book Steve snagged yesterday."

Steve looks vaguely guilty as he fills in, "The file said it was another one of those books that draws you into the story. It's supposed to let you swap places with the main character, but maybe it swapped you two instead…"

"Book, what book? That beautiful dark red one with the hand-painted drawing on the cover that was on the living room coffee-table? Yep, totally touched that one," Claudia says.

"Me too," Helena adds. "What on Earth were you thinking leaving it out in the open like that?"

"I uh, was ordered to come to the warehouse _immediately_, and," Steve starts, but is interrupted by Artie.

"I didn't mean for you to leave an artifact ON THE COFFEE-TABLE," he yells, but then backtracks, "okay, I did say 'immediately'."

"Well, come on then," Helena says, moving towards the living room. "Let's hope the book is still here."

Claudia finds a pair of purple gloves in one of Helena's pockets, and snaps them on while Myka pulls out a neutralization bag. The book _is_ still on the coffee-table.

Everyone ducks with hands over their eyes as the book is dropped in the bag.

"So?" Pete asks as soon as the sparks has evaporated.

"My bodyyyyy oooh how I've missed youuuu!" Claudia sings. And then she remembers why she wanted it back so badly. "Guys?" she motions at Pete, Steve and Artie, "let's go."

Now that Claudia has made them aware that something is happening, they are all suddenly mindful of the way Helena – now back in her own body – is looking at Myka. It's the same way she was told not to when in Claudia's body. And Myka's face holds the same expression.

"Right!" they agree, and start to leave.

"Claudia?" Helena says then, still with her eyes on Myka. "I had fun being you. But let's not do that again."

Claudia smiles, mutters a simple "yeah" and waves on her way out.


End file.
